Pain
by Touchstone's Ranna
Summary: Celebrian is not the same after she is attacked by the Orcs. How will Elrond and his children react?


It hurt him to see her beautiful form beaten and broken.

Her body so limp, yet trying to remain proud as their younger son held her in his arms, cradling her as if she were a child.

Elrohir laid his mother on the soft bed that his mother and father shared and then turned his grey eyes to the floor for a moment before heading out the door.

Elrond placed a hand upon his wife's forehead, feeling the too warm skin. Her hair was matted and dried blood, both Elven and Orc, speckled about the once fine silver strands.

The Lord of Imladris let his somber gaze linger upon his wife one last time before he began to go about healing her. Truly he had to work fast, for he could sense the light fading within her…

Elrohir walked up to his brother, gripping the elder twin's shoulder.

"Do not worry, Elladan. Ada is taking care of her as we speak. Naneth will pull through."

Elladan whipped around, pain clear on his face, "How do you know brother? How can you be so sure that those monsters have not taken her from us? How can you be so sure that she will not be dead in the morning?"

A sob escaped through his lips as he leaned upon his younger brother. "How can you say with such confidence that she will be all right and not leave us?"

Elrohir placed a hand upon his brother's back and rubbed it soothingly, "Because I know our Ada. He is the greatest healer in all of Imladris and loves our Naneth too dearly to let her suffer. He shall make her well again, you shall see…"

((Pain))

Arwen sat in the window, looking outside and into the gardens. She still could not rid herself of the image that had met her eyes nearly a week ago. She had been sitting in her father's study, looking out the window as she was now and saw the figure of Elrohir carrying a broken Celebrian and Elladan running up the steps, taking them two at a time screaming for their father.

The Elf closed her eyes as she felt the sadness well up inside of her. She had not been able to express her feelings on the situation, for the duties that one in her position, in addition to taking over her mother's role, demanded of her.

She had seen Elladan weep upon Elrohir's shoulder, freely showing his sorrow. She had seen Elrohir's eyes darken, losing their brilliance. But as for herself… Arwen had no such reaction. She simply went on with life, reliving that horrible scene in her dreams over and over, no comfort to be found.

A knock at the door pulled her out of her reverie and back to the present.

"Enter." She stated, her voice calm.

The fair-haired Lindir poked his head into the room, resting his eyes upon the she-Elf.

"Lady Arwen, the Lady Celebrian has awakened. However, Lord Elrond says that she is not well enough for visitors yet." He paused for a moment, "She did ask for you though, hiril nin."

Arwen sat on the windowsill, not moving and simply staring forward. Her mother was alive…

"Lady Arwen?" Is everything all right?" Lindir asked, concern evident in his voice.

He had made his way across the room and saw the light tear tracks falling down the Evenstar's face.

Arwen touched her cheek lightly and felt the moisture. She then looked up at Lindir, "These are tears of joy, I think, for my Naneth is now healed. But despite this joyous feeling, I cannot help but feel a sort of dread. A dread that this happiness will be short lived…"

((Pain))

Three months after the attack upon Celebrian and she still did not allow anyone, save their daughter, touch her.

This thought worried Elrond, tugging at his mind constantly.

All of his wife's physical injuries had healed, but the mental ones had made almost no progress.

Celebrian refused to speak about the event with anyone and kept to herself most of the time. Elrond had begun to coax her back into her everyday life, but it was not going well. The silver-haired Elf would tend to lose her thoughts in the middle of a sentence, or not realize that someone was talking to her.

She flinched at any touch, even at her husband's, the only one with permission to touch her being Arwen.

Elrond could not bear the fact that his own wife could not stand his touch, even when he was trying to help her.

They slept in the same bed, but she put a pillow between them, reducing the chance that Elrond may embrace her as they slept.

"Ada?"

Elrond turned to see Elrohir standing in the doorway.

"Yes Elrohir? What is it?"

"Naneth has hurt herself again. She wasn't paying attention and cut herself." Before Elrond could get up, he quickly added, "Arwen is taking care of her injury as we speak."

The Lord of Imladris sunk back into his chair and let out a deep sigh.

"I do wish that I could do more for your Naneth, but she is pushing me away. She shuns my touch and has blocked off her mind."

Elrohir hesitated for a moment he spoke, "She let Elladan comb her hair today. Arwen had just picked up the comb when Naneth's eyes suddenly lit up as they used to and said 'No Arwen, let my son comb my hair today. It has been such a long time since he has done so.'"

Elrond stiffened slightly, "I see."

"I am sorry, Ada." Elrohir said and then took his leave.

((Pain))

Celebrian sat in the private garden that she and her husband cared for.

She had picked some of the flowers from the bushes and now busied herself with making a flower crown. She was almost finished when she pricked her finger upon a hidden thorn, a droplet of blood landing on a pure white flower, staining it.

Images flew into her mind, unbidden, memories of her ordeal. The stench of the Orcs, the smell of blood, the darkness of the cave, the pounding of her heartbeat as she was tortured and…

A scream escaped her lips, a sound of fury and hatred, and she threw the crown of flowers to the ground, cursing them.

She stomped upon the harmless flowers, then dropped to her knees and ripped at them, tearing them apart in a wild fury unknown to Elf.

When finally the crown was demolished, she sat still on the ground. Her hands covered in dirt and pollen, her dress grass stained. But Celebrian could not find a reason to care as she lost herself once again in her reminisces of a simpler time.

Of curling into a ball on her Ada's lap, listening to him read a story to her. Of running through the Golden Wood with her playmates, laughing cheerfully. Of getting ready for her wedding day and her Naneth placing a crown upon her silver hair lovingly. Of the twins brushing her hair, slowly lulling her to sleep. Of Arwen painting in this very garden…

Such memories should have brought happiness to her, but Celebrian could not feel it. No, the silver-haired Elf could only feel the pain in those days being gone and distant, and with the knowledge that days like those would never come again.

"I cannot stay here…" she muttered to herself as she got up, "I cannot…"

She then wandered back into the House like a lost puppy, unaware of the sad grey eyes of her husband watching her.

((Pain))

Elrond walked into his rooms, surprised to find Celebrian awake as it had to be nearing the fourth hour of the day.

"Celebrian, my wife, is something on your mind?" Elrond asked kindly. He had made a practice of asking this when the Elf was in a daze. He usually did not get an answer, but when he did, it was often some incoherent mumbling about the silver-haired she-Elf's childhood.

"Nine months have passed…" she murmured. "Nine months have passed and all I feel now is emptiness and sorrow."

Elrond was taken aback by the answer that he received.

Celebrian looked her husband in the eyes, light blue meeting grey.

"I wish to leave this place. This Middle Earth… I wish to travel to a place where I can forget the awful things and no longer fear that such events will take place again."

Elrond's eyes widened.

"You cannot- If you leave there is no coming back! Celebrian, do think this through."

"I have, husband. There is nothing truly tying me back. Our children have grown and Arwen has taken up my responsibilities. I can no longer fulfill my duties to you, so of what use am I? It would be for the better if I were off somewhere else…"

Elrond strode quickly towards his wife and kneeled down before her, taking her hands in his, ignoring the noticeable flinch that she gave in reply.

"Please. Do not leave."

"I must, Elrond. I am no longer happy here."

The dark-haired Elf climbed onto the bed and placed his face mere inches away from his wife's.

"Do you know how much it wounds me to hear you say that?"

"I do not mean it to be a personal offense against you, Elrond…" Celebrian said, her thoughts drifting away from her.

Elrond lowered his lips to his wife's and brushed them gently against hers. He could feel her tense and could see her eyes screw up.

The Lord of Imladris placed an index finger under his wife's chin and pulled her head up.

"Please look at me."

Celebrian wrenched her chin out of her husband's grasp and pushed the dark-haired Elf away with more force than seemed possible from such a fragile body. She backed herself against the headboard, a wild look in her eyes.

"That is why I cannot stay here! For I know that you have needs and wish for them to be fulfilled. I can no longer perform that task. I refuse! I will not let myself be among those who can harm me like those creatures!"

"I mean no harm to you, Celebrian!"

"But unknowingly you do! By acting upon your primal desires, you kill me more than those Orcs did, for each time you perform one upon me, I relive that hell."

Elrond stared upon the shaking form of his wife, curling herself into a ball, knees drawn up to her chest and gripping the headboard so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

Comprehension dawned upon Elrond's face and he suppressed the wide range of emotions that wanted to be expressed.

"Of course…" Elrond muttered as he got up and made his way towards the door. "I will begin to make the arrangements tomorrow, though I must inform you that it may take a few months to get everything in order."

"I know."

"You may have this room. I will sleep in a guest bedroom for the remainder of your stay here."

There was silence for a moment and just as Elrond was about to leave, he could hear Celebrian's voice utter a sincere and emotional "Thank you."

((Pain))

Elrond and his children watched somberly as Celebrian left Imladris for the last time.

Celebrian had embraced all three of her children, holding them close and kissing them lightly on the foreheads. When she had gotten to Elrond, however, she merely nodded her head in a show of respect, and he repeated the action.

After his mother was no longer in sight, Elladan turned to his father. "Why did you not hug or kiss Naneth?"

"She still does not wish to be touched, Elladan." Elrond responded quietly.

"But she embraced us. She kissed us." Elrond's eldest child argued, his eyebrows knit in confusion.

"That is because she knew that her children would never wish to harm her in the way that she was. I and other Elves she cannot readily accept that they do not wish her such harm."

His children remained silent, absorbing what their father said.

Elrond left the group, going back to his study to drown himself in his work.

Elladan looked longingly in the direction that his mother had just disappeared, "I hope that she finds what she is looking for and that we will find her in a happier state when we join her."

"Yes." Arwen agreed, "I have missed the smile upon her face this past year, and hope to see it again some day…"

Elrohir's eyes clouded as he let his gaze fall upon Arwen.

Something told him that such a wish would not come true for his sister, and it tore at him.

"Elrohir, it is time for us to go inside." Elladan stated, placing his hand upon his brother's shoulder. "The clouds have darkened and are heavy with rain. We do not want to get soaked, do we?"

Elrohir shook his head slowly and then followed his siblings back into the Last Homely House.

* * *

Ada - Father

Naneth - Mother

Hiril nin - My Lady


End file.
